Fireball Scroll

From Darfuria

Fireball

To make battle scrolls of Fireball.

Ingredients

  • Fire toad spit/mouth scrapings - 16 oz
  • Salamander skin
  • A pair of Dragonfly wings
  • Sulphur from a volcano - 8 oz
  • Giant Bat dung - 4 oz
  • Ink from a Giant Squid - approx half a pint to a pint.
  • A single 100gp Rock Crystal
  • 100gp powdered Red Sardonics
  • Red Dragon Tongue: (yields 1 scroll per age catagory)
  • Hilt and blade of a dagger, separated
  • Pastry - 1 small lump
  • A pin
  • Lotus Petals (4)
  • Turmeric (1 teaspoon)
  • Poppy Seeds (16)
  • Bard who can play the bugle
  • Glass bowls (2), one with warm water
  • 1 pint of water
  • Book: "The Art of Sneezing"
  • Expensive vellum: 2 sheets/scroll
  • Stolen candle from a temple of a god associated with fire
  • Assistants: 2
  • A table
  • A bird in a cage
  • A means of freezing boiling liquid instantly

Method

First the red dragon tongue has to be cut in to 20 pieces with a dagger blade that has been removed from its hilt, whilst saying "I am cutting your tongue!" without moving your tongue. The pieces have to be put into the glass bowl whilst someone chucks warm water around the room from another glass bowl and a bard plays The Birdie Song on the bugle.

The turmeric, bat dung, and red sardonics all have to be put in the bowl with the tongue pieces and mixed with one pint of boiling water. Whilst these ingredients ore bubbling slowly in the water the wizard(s) has to play a game of chess and then draw a picture whilst chanting the word 'bom' to the tune of The Spam Song. At the end of the song the pastry and the pin have to be chucked at the bard playing the bugle whilst shouting "BURBLE!"

The lotus petals and the poppy seeds all have to be named Bob and you have to put the bowl with the mixture on the floor and yell "BOB DON'T LEAVE ME!" and push the seed/petal off of the table into the bowl.

Whilst that is boiling again you have to try and attack the bard with the hilt of the dagger but proclaim "Where's my blade? I have lost my blade! WILL SOMBODY GIVE ME MY BLADE BACK!" and then the wizard has to cry three tears into the mixture.

The mixture must be then left to cool down for 24 hours, but for the first 30 minutes the mixture has to be blown on whilst waving the dragonfly wings. Then it must be left to cool for 23:30 whilst the wizard reads the book "The Art of Sneezing".

The next day the mixture has to be heated up again. Whilst that is heating the sulphur and fire toad spit has to be mixed together to form a thick paste like pate and then applied liberally to both side of the salamander skin, which should then be sandwiched between 2 sheets of expensive vellum that have been left outside on a hot day with a piece of rock crystal as a paperweight.

As soon as the mixture has boiled, an equal amount of squid ink has to be added as quickly as possible and then the mixture has to be brought back to the boil, and the instant it boils it has to be frozen solid. The ink should then be left to thaw out in a place under a bird in a cage.

The scroll should be then written on the side of the vellum which is the outside of the salamander skin, using a candle as a pen. When the ink has thawed, clear off any bird feathers etc. and then you have to place the scroll fully into the ink. Let it soak in for one hour whilst you and two other people squat around the bowl 120 degrees apart. The wizard making the potion has to hold the other two people by the nose whilst they shout "umbarb" and they have to constantly be doing this whilst they are alternately sticking their first, second, third and then little finger into each others' ears, but never the thumb.

After one hour has passed, the wizard has to take the scroll out from the bowl of ink using only his thumbs whilst shaking violently. Also the other two people have to get up and jump, with both feet together, towards the nearest window, and push thier mouths against it whilst going crosseyed and trying to pronounce "Ixitxachitl!"

They have to remain crosseyed and pressed aginst the windoow from the time immediately after the wizard's thumbs go in the ink until the scroll stops dripping.

The wizard can make more such scrolls simultaneously, up to the maximum number of times the dragon's tongue allows for scrolls to be made, i.e. an ancient dragon would yield up to eight scrolls.