Girdle of Fire Giant Strength

From Darfuria

To make a Girdle of Fire Giant Strength.

Ingredients

  • 2 X Fire Giant Biceps
  • 2 X Fire Giant Triceps
  • Belt created from the scales of an ancient spell using red dragon -
  • Ruby worth 1000gp
  • Flat piece of rock cut from a volcano
  • 6oz Ogre Blood
  • Mineral containing a living beetle
  • Acorn that weights 1lb
  • A sprig of dried balmony leaves
  • 5 sesame seeds
  • Box made from box leaves
  • Teaspoon of Spennal
  • Gallon of grape juice
  • 2 sprigs of alfalfa
  • 1' high tower constructed from peppermint leaves
  • Pinch of rosemary, tarregon, tumerick
  • A Galeb Duhr's hat
  • Fire created with coal from the deepest coal mine in Darfuria
  • 2 twigs given by a Dryad from her tree
  • 500gp powdered sapphire

Method

To start with, the wizard has to tie the Fire Giant muscles to the belt made from the red dragon and lie on his back and start weight lifting whilst someone plays an out of time drum beat with the twigs given by the dryad on the mineral containing a living beetle. After the wizard has done this for long enough to make his arms hurt he has to get up and drink a mouth full of grape juice and then push the 5 sesame seeds into his mouth and dribble it all out into a glass bowl. then pour the rest of the grape juice into the bowl.

Next, the wizard has to make the fire out of the coal and then build the 1' high tower 5' away from it. When he is done a cleric has to come in, wearing the Galebduhr's hat over his eyes and say; "Now where the hell did I put my holy water" whilst proceeding to stumble around, kicking the tower into the fire. When the tower has totally burnt and the fire begins to extinguish itself the wizard has to shout abuse at the cleric whilst making a box from box leaves. When he has finished this he has to use the flat piece of rock to spoon out the ogre blood into the glass bowl containing grape juice and sesame seeds. Once this is done the wizard has to leave everything for an hour whilst he walks up and down some stairs and hits himslf on the head with a teaspoon. When the wizard has done this for an hour he must return to his lab and break the twigs into the glass bowl containing ogre blood, grape juice and sesame seeds. Next he has to place one of the burnt coal stones into the box made from box leaves and put the Galebduhr's hat over it. This has to be left like that for 24 hours whilst the wizard prepares the rest of the spell.

The powdered sapphire has to be sprinkled over the ruby into the glass bowl containing the other things whilst the previously stumbling cleric puts a teaspoon of spennal and a sprig of dried blamony leaves in using his big toe. The wizard must leave the glass bowl on the burnt out fire for the remainder of the time until the stone has been left under the hat in the box for 24 hours. When this time is up the wizard has to run to where the hat is, remove it, crush the box and remove the stone whilst throwing it in the air shouting: "HOT! HOT! HOT! HOT!" and finally dropping it in the bowl of stuff whilst loudly pronouncing: "TTTSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS" and then giving a sigh of relief. Then the mineral containing the living beetle has to be placed in the bowl with the ruby and the rosemary, tarregon and tumeric has to be sprinkled onto them from above whilst the wizard chants "Labla blada hava trafagafahat" and then the wizard has to push the acorn from a plate into the bowl with his tongue causing a small splash.

After all of this has been done the wizard has to wear the hat whilst pushing the alfalfa into the bowl using the giant muscles. These muscles have to be put in the bowl and stirred with a wooden spoon for 10 minutes. The wizard then has to leave everything for 2 days whilst he makes a public announcement about beards and goes into a supplies shop and buys as many barrels as possible, takes them out into the street and races them down the road with his friends/random people. When the wizard has done all of this he has to go home and wait for the mixture to be ready.

When it is the wizard has to get the belt and slap the mixture in the bowl until there is hardly any liquid left. Then he has to put a muscle on each end of the belt and two in the middle and leave the belt to suck up any remaining liquid. When it has done this the belt has to be swung around the lab, destroying any possible things that were used in the making. Then, finally, it must be left in an empty room for an hour. Then it is complete.