Lightning Bolt Scroll

To create battle scrolls of Lightning Bolt.

This recipe was created by Dan when he was about 13.

Ingredients

100gp powdered blue jasper
100gp crushed saphire -
peppermint leaf (1)
juniper berries (12)
Giant Squid ink (1 pint)
Blue Dragon canine teeth (4) - all from the same dragon
Electric Eel gills
candles (1/level of the potion maker)
a pony skull
a vice
a cushion
a table
Volt fur
amber rod
wooden bowl
glass bowl
money spider (1)
an axe
a hammer
twig from a tree that was struck by lightning
expensive vellum
a bard who can play the lute
half full glass of water
a small humanoid rubber dummy
a shocking grasp spell
a posh person
a soldier in his/her training room
toast, tea

Method

The juniper berries have to be crushed by being thrown underneath a soldier's boot when he is in his training room without him noticing, then scraped up from the floor and from his boots.

The skull of the pony has to be held by the vice and then the giant squid ink has to be poured silently into the skull whilst someone urinates loudly outside into a nearby puddle and shouts "MERRY CHRISTMAS" as people walk past him or her, and if someone approaches him/her they have to shout "GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR NEW BABY!" to whoever approaches.

Next the crushed juniper berries have to be put into the skull with the ink and the crushed sapphire, then the mixture has to be tipped out throught the nose of the skull into a wooden bowl. The mixture has to be stirred with a peppermint leaf whilst a very posh person puts a cushion on a table near to the mixture on which the dragon teeth must be placed in a line.

The blue dragon canine teeth have to be put into the wizard's mouth one at a time. For each tooth he has to proclaim "My teeth are very clean!" and then spit them violently into the wooden bowl. The mixture then has to be left for 24 hours. For the first three hours, the wizard has to brush the volt fur with a twig from a tree which was struck by lightning whilst announcing every five minutes, "This is not amusing!"

The next morning the wizard has to purpously burn his toast and spill his tea everywhere. Then he must go outside to pat an old man on the head and fall over on purpose.

When he gets back he has to tip the mixture into a glass bowl that has had a money spider in it for the past week. He then must bring the mixture to the boil whilst chanting "GULUBALUBALUB" and tapping himself on the head with an amber rod.

Next you have to light a candle for every level of the spellcaster's experience and laugh every time you light one, whilst the bard that was hired to play the lute gibbers like a monkey.

Next the electric eel gills have to be spread over the expensive vellum and left there for one hour. When you return, peel of the gills, tell the bard to stop gibbering like a monkey and give him a glass that is half full of water.

The powdered blue jasper then has to be sprinkled in a circle 10 inches diameter around the rubber dummy in its centre. A shocking grasp must then be cast on the dummy. The dummy's head must then be chopped off in one clean blow by an axe and then caught before it touches the floor in the boiling mixture.

The ink must then be balanced on top of the bard's head for 30 seconds and then poured back into the wooden bowl, into which the vellum is then placed.

The vellum must be left there for 33 minutes and 33 seconds, and then lifted out using a hammer. The vellum must be dried by putting it in the hole of the bard's lute and swung around the casters head, much like cowboys do with lassoo ropes.

When dry, the vellum must be taken out of the lute and the bard must chant "flublung" repeatedly whilst the wizard breaks all of the strings on the bard's lute. The scroll must then be written by scratching the vellum with only the thinnest string from the lute.

The number of scrolls that can be made using this method is dependent on the age category of the blue dragon, e.g. 8 scrolls if the dragon was ancient.